A hodge podge.

Bloggies! So sorry it has been a while. Is that even a word? I’m not sure but I know Yogi is a word…so I made up bloggie. so there.

BIG things happening in the Zaruba household. I wish I could tell you more but the problem is..if it doesn’t work out then I don’t want to look like a complete idiot. But it IS going to work out, and It is going to be amazing. I’ll give you hints throughout the post;)

Africa Trip Update- Everything is going great. Finishing up the final details. All we have left to OFFICIALLY take care of is the vaccinations that I really am dreading..reading more about getting the yellow fever vaccine and how SICK it makes you for days…CANT WAIT! Along with a few other vaccines and anti-malaria pills because AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!!

OH and our background checks! Because we are working in an orphanage apparently they want to make sure we aren’t crazies.

I have been reading like CRAZY lately..more than I ever have. Just wanting to learn more and more about all of whats wrong with our world and how I can began my part to repair it. I read about orphans, refugees, the invisible people, human trafficking, fair trade, the positive effects fair trade has on the people producing the products and and my newest book is about introverts. Cool. The more I read the more I am SO incredibly anxious to do MORE. Its like everyday I find a new non-profit I fall in love with or a company that does more than just make a profit. People helping people. People they don’t know. People like you and me.

Previously I talked about changing my major to International Business. Well for a while now I have been focused on finding an amazing company to work for. Through completely stalking all these businesses on FB I would find bits and pieces of each little company that I loved. Why not put all those ideas I love into an idea that I LOVE? I want to choose the people I want to help. I want to make decisions on my work…

You know those people who go up to pregnant woman and gawk over them? The annoying people who rub the bellies of preggos and ask questions.

That’s me. I’m that annoying girl.

I LOVE pregnant bellies. I love babies. I love kids. I love chic mamas. I find myself looking at awesome baby product sites. Looking at the difference between clothe diapers and disposable. Why breast is best! What type of sling gives your baby the most support? Different baby room ideas. Maternity clothes…and the list goes on.

AND I DON’T HAVE A BABY!!!!!

But, that’s all I have ever wanted. To be a wife and a mama. I want to snuggle a sweet infant in my neck and be all emotional and have my husband roll his eyes at me and be that paranoid mama that guards the baby monitor camera like a flippin hawk.

I work in surgery and I ALWAYS volunteer to do the c-sections. They are the happy surgeries. I love to comfort the mamas and tell them how its scary now but the pay off is big..and in about 30 minutes the pay off will arrive. I love to take the camera from the dad (when I’m not scrubbed in and just helping out) and take pics of the sweet couple with their new addition.

I always catch myself daydreaming with teary eyes thinking GOD I want that. I want this moment that I so often get to share with others. Last week one night when the hubs was working I was walking around our house picking things up and out of nowhere got all teary eyed and emotional AGAIN thinking about how we had this beautiful home and so much love to give and yet there is a baby somewhere needing love and attention and worth. Needing a family. I quickly detour my thoughts and turn on the TV or something. It seriously hurts my bones to imagine the hungry, the sad, lonely, cold, abandoned children out there.

November 2011 I donated eggs to an anonymous couple who wasn’t able to get preggo. I had no idea all what went into this process. A friend of mine had donated eggs and I thought all I have ever wanted was to be a mama and I would be devistated if I wasnt able to. So I looked into it and went through with it. The entire process for me took about 6 months. YA’LL six months of ultra sounds every two days, TONS of pills, hormone shots that I had to measure out and inject into my stomach EVERY single morning. genetic testing, MORE genetic testing, (bless my husband for having to deal with my emotional self tricking my body into thinking I was about to get pregnant) THEN right when we were suppose to do the retrieval my estrogen levels shot up to a VERY dangerous level and we had to quit the entire process and start all over. Most people are usually able to retrieve 8-10 eggs. usually the couple getting them will implant 2-3 and they will usually take and save the other with hopes of possibly having a sibling down the road. When we FINALLY were able to do the retrieval, I was scared of the anestesia..and I see this everyday. But everything went perfect and that sweet deserving couple got 19 of my eggs! Hopefully just in time to find out she was pregnant for christmas.

I remember my doctor making the comment “Man, you have alot of eggs. When you and your husband are ready to have a baby you should have no problems!” WOO HOO!

So imagine my shock when after a year of trying, we have no baby. I dont get to buy maternity clothes or have a reason to eat unhealthy or rub my belly while walking around letting people know im pregnant, not just getting fat.

We stopped trying in january and deicded to go to Africa. I have had MANY conversations with GOD about this. I mean what the crap, God! We are two healthy 25 year olds. And no baby??? I was  a little bitter.

But the thing is. I trust in him. That doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes have bad moments of bitterness when everyone in the world is having a baby.

Awww, your pregnant..yay!!!!!! I hate you.

No, not really.

I have this HUGE feeling that God has bigger plans for our family. I know he will give us a family when his time has met our time. But for now I am going to focus on finding a way to empower other woman in their pregnancies. I want woman all over the world to know that pregnancy is a beautiful thing I want to bring awareness to some of the horrible conditions woman give birth in.

This is a picture of were a woman gave birth in Papau New guinea..

Adriel Booker Love A Mama Community PNG maternal health-162

How is this even possible?

I hope to bring a little bit of help through my new adventure that Im keeping mum about…for now. I’ll let you in soon.

For now, I keep driving myself crazy learning more about the harsh conditions others live in while we live so comfotably.

God has a book of plans….and my plan is about to emerge.

Happy living.

 

 

 

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One thought on “A hodge podge.

  1. Haven’t heard much from you lately. I see that is because you have been spending your time thinking very deep thoughts. You ARE someone’s mama, Casey. You just haven’t met them yet. I have no doubt you will be amazing when it is your turn.

    You remind me of the time I got my first pair of glasses when I was 8 yrs old. I didn’t want to go to sleep at night because I could SEE! Now the blinders of an unpracticed faith have been ripped away and now you see. It’s a big world and there’s lots to do. Pace yourself. 🙂

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