One of my best days will be her worst.

I am so new to this adoption world. I have already been threw a slew of emotions and we are only about 4 weeks in. Its gonna be a LONG 2 years.

Mainly I think of a broken system we have, There are roughly 165 million orphans world wide. But there doesn’t have to be. A LOT of those kids have families, families that love them and want them but just cannot financially support them. OR Mothers that are paid or forced to give there child up. I cannot imagine the pain these women go through giving there baby up. There flesh and blood. I ache for these woman. There will always be true orphans but there are also opportunities, opportunities to help keep families together. Chances to support a family instead of the only option being giving their child up. There should be more people fighting to keep families together and possibly we wouldn’t have 165 million with no forever homes. Tyler and I donate to “Bring love in” every month and It is an amazing organization that bring orphans with widows together to create new families in Ethiopia…We need more of these!![

I have been thinking about our child a lot! Is he/she even born yet, are they safe? I cant wait to see a picture of our a child for the first time, I assume I will mostly likely be on the verge of cardiac arrest.

But what I really think about is the mixed emotions on the day we hold them and hug them and meet face to face. This will forever be in my book one of the best days of my life. The part that breaks my heart is this day will play out to be one of the worst for a mom somewhere out there. She most likely wont even know, but that is the day her child is now moving on with their life with another mom and dad. That is the day that child makes memories with us and shared life experiences with us. Their mom wont see the special days, the school pictures, first missing tooth, she will miss bed time stories and school plays, birthdays and Christmas, she wont be there for their wedding or anything. This breaks my heart that a mom has to miss out on all those things.

I am so thankful and will be forever grateful that my child’s mother chose a better life for their child if they weren’t abandoned or left to die. I will never know her reasons or if she chose this or just dropped her baby off somewhere to fend for themselves.

I will never know.

But I will try for my whole life to never judge this woman. I will never know her story, how hard her life was, if she had support. I wont know her reasons or regrets…

So, we (as a family) we will pray for the previous family, there comfort, there happiness, to know there baby is safe. Another woman’s child  will call me mommy. The Magnitude of that tragedy and the depth of that privilege is not lost on me. This moves me to the core

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I don’t have the answers and I never will but what I do have is faith. Faith in a God that is bigger than my 5 by 7 picture frame life of how I think things should go. I have trust in his plan even though sometimes it scares the crap out of me.

I find myself falling in love with a child I don’t know. I pray for a life I haven’t encountered. I dream of a day that isn’t here.

I was driving to work this morning (complete darkness out) and saw a shooting star. Without hesitation I immediately asked God to make sure our baby was safe. That they would have comfort knowing they wouldn’t be lonely forever, we were coming…

I cant wait to be a mom, but I hate that it comes at the expense of..

The best day of my life will be her worst.

W/ love

CZ

 

 

 

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