I am currently reading Jennie Allen’s book “Restless” which is so amazing. It challenges its readers to dare to dream. Not just dream on there own but dream with God. She asks what is holding us back from those dreams? A few common things that mostly hold people back from there dreams are these:
support system of encouragement (or the lack of)
and most of…FEAR.
FEAR of everything but mainly the unknown. These are things WE all have in common.
Because we ALL have DREAMS and we all have FEARS. Unfortunately the fears are usually hold us back from the dreams. This doesnt have to be the case. Now I am somewhat a hypocrite because I used to be this person that let my fears hold me back. I knew if I found myself in God everything else would follow, and it did. When I say anything is possible with him, people I mean the unthinkable is going to happen. Noone can shake our souls like the Lord can…
10 Months ago I was wrestling with God about our current situation with not being able to get pregnant and the fact that God was seriously working adoption into my heart as we were preparing for our trip to Africa. What was I wrestling you ask?
My husband. He just wasn’t on board. NO part of his heart was feeling lead to adopt. none, nata, zip. I remember having so many conversations with God, I was so confused on why he would so apparently and boldy put adoption on my heart and not my husbands. I had SERIOUS fears this would cause problems in our marriage. I continued to pray and let it go. Then Africa happened. My husband was so certain he wanted nothing to do with adoption that I even for a second doubted God could change his heart.
Recently we had to write up a personal statement for a grant application and this is what my husband wrote…
“This personal statement asks if there are any special needs we want the selection committee to know about. The definition of need is: A condition or situation in which something is required or wanted. I am sure every single family that applies for this grant has their own special needs and I will try to explain ours without clichés.
We obviously WANT to have children. But more importantly our instinctual NEED to provide a child with loving home, who will not have one otherwise, far outweighs our want to have our own biological children. We want to provide our child with the best we can offer, and raise them to be smarter, kinder, and better people than we are. My wife and I do not have the financial means to complete an international adoption all on our own. We need help from our friends and family and from organizations like Help Us Adopt. Our adoption has started from our faith in God and it remains in his hands. I have been fortunate in my life where I have not had to ask for help very often. It has been a learning experience for me to put my pride aside and ask during fundraisers and other money raising attempts we have made for our adoption.
I can understand that Foster homes here in the USA and orphanages in other countries alleviate problems with abandoned children immensely. However, ideally these are meant to be a temporary solution until permanent placement is found. My Father is a good man, but I feel if he were given anything as a child such as toys, experiences, or opportunities he would have had a much easier time becoming a good man and father.
This is another reason I want to take a child out of an orphanage, because we will do absolutely everything we can do to give our child the best we can provide.
My inspiration to adopt comes from my wife. One day she felt our calling was taking a trip to Uganda to work in an orphanage. I was initially very reserved and didn’t quite understand why she felt the need to go there of all places. She made it happen and worked tireless hours to raise extra money to pay for flights and other expenses. We went for a month and my whole universe was turned upside down and inside out.
I had not had much exposure to being around kids so I was shy when I first arrived. After about ninety seconds that changed when I saw the children just crave for any and all attention we could give them.
I absolutely fell in love with the weakest of the bunch named Kamoga. I had never felt such a protective sense for anything or anyone in my life. Whenever I was at the orphanage I wanted to spend all my time just trying to make him laugh or smile. He was so malnourished he had a fungus on his head, he had a pot belly, and was much smaller than other boys his age. My wife and I talked with a social worker about adopting him. There are many obstacles but we are still jumping through hoops and will continue to try and bring him home because if we don’t fight for him everything we stand for is a façade.
We talked when we returned home and agreed if we could not adopt Kamoga there is no way we could adopt another child from Uganda. Not because they don’t deserve it but because it is too close to our hearts and we cannot hear Africa or Uganda without thinking of our precious Kamoga.
That is when we made the decision to adopt from the Czech Republic. My last name Zaruba originates from Czechoslovakia when my Great Grandfather immigrated to the USA. It means a lot to me to be able to adopt from my family’s home country. Since announcing our adoption the support we have received is amazing. Unfortunately our friends and family are not people whom have a great deal of dispensable income. This grant would help us more than most could understand; anything that could help us pay our adoption agency fees will be appreciated beyond what words could describe.”
So you see, I wasn’t able to change my husbands heart but it’s because I wasn’t meant to. That was up to our King. I could never do anything without my husbands support and I am forever thankful that not only are we on the same page about adopting but GOD we are so excited about our children. We found out today that we will most likely have to spend 8 weeks in the Czech Republic while getting things finalized to bring our baby cakes home! That is a LONG time people and we stress about having the money to stay in another country for 8 weeks WHILE not getting any of my pay because my job offers NO benefits or short term disabilities to adoptive families. BUT the upside..we get to stay in the flipping Czech Republic for 8 weeks with OUR CHILD!!! we kept going back an forth saying we wanted to get a jogging stroller and learn a route and go running with our baby around the town and how we were going to eat ourselves sick. It is going to be stressful but amazing.
10 months ago Tyler and I had no idea how we would have kids, I had never in my life prayed a prayer out loud, let alone in front of anyone. 10 months ago I didn’t Yearn for God the way I do now. When I am driving to work sometimes listening to my Christian station on Pandora a song will come on that just completely moves me to the core. As in I want to stop my car and get on my knees and throw my hands up to Jesus and lift EVERY SINGLE worry I have..up to him. But I don’t because it’s pitch black outside and it would be really scary. But I want to.
Today. Tyler and I are adopting TWO kids and we hold hands and I pray OUT LOUD (big deal) and I pray for us, I pray for our marriage, I pray for us to continue to need God in everyone and lean on his understandings and not our own. I pray for comfort for our children as we can’t be with them right now. God do I pray for our kids and their comfort.
The Lord is what brings us to our dreams. We may not be able to withstand our fears but he can surpass them with greatness.
Every single day I thank God for the man he put in my life. The papa to our amazing kids waiting on us.
This ones for him.
This is Tyler’s protective face. There was a Doctor trying to give Kamoga shots.
K in papa’s shades:)
There is not one single dream, thought, fight, obstacle…not one single thing that is out of reach for our God.
You just need to ask..