Okay let me back up a little..
Not many know but while Tyler and I were engaged, a friend mentioned to me that she donated her eggs. I wanted to know more! At that moment in time I couldn’t really fathom the thought of not getting pregnant right when you were ready, so the thought of someone not being able to have kids was gut wrenching for me. However, that was THE single most important thing I have ever dreamed of besides marrying my husband. So naturally I learned more and went through about 3 months of giving myself hormone shots in the stomach daily, going to ultrasound appointments and getting blood drawn. It was A LOT. But I wanted this couple to have a family so bad that couldn’t have kids. Also, not anyone can just donate eggs, you have to be donating to a family that chose you, so at this point there was a family hoping to have children from my eggs and counting on me to get through this.
At about 3 months right before the egg retrieval my estrogen levels got dangerously high and we had to stop all of the medicine immidiately, we figured out a new way how to go about the medicine dosage (basically slower) and tried again. 3 more months of giving myself shots and all that goodness until finally we got to the end to do the egg retrieval. Everything went well and they were able to get I believe 19 eggs from me for this husband and wife. One of the single most wonderful moments in my life I was so proud of and honored to help. After all I couldnt IMAGINE not being able to have kids.
Soon after Tyler and I were married and I started living that nightmare myself. We tried to get pregnant for two years and nothing. My heart was literally shattered and broken every single month. After two years I needed an emotional break. After a few other events, I 100% felt called for Tyler and I to go on this ridiculous, out of nowhere mission trip to Uganda, Africa. My husband thought I had lost my mind…and we went to Africa.
God changed our lives while in a foreign country, he swayed our hearts, changed our mindset and opened our eyes. We came home 100% on board to adopt. YES we totally could have gone through some testing to find our why we werent getting pregnant but we never wanted to. We were sure of what God was asking here. He told us about the orphans and about the fatherless. Those are the kids we wanted. We wanted the ones that already needed a family. So we came home and started an adoption in the Czech Republic and continue to fight for our boy Kamoga in Uganda who I like to say switched Tyler from Adult man and husband to daddy mode. I have never seen that man be protective and loving like he was with a underwieght, struggling, dirty, fungus infected little boy in Africa. It was so beautiful.
Over the last year we have filled out thousands of forms and I have ran up our phone bill talking to Kamogas orphanage director in Africa. We are trying to get Kamoga moved to another orphanage so we can adopt him. <–If you want to know what this is like trying to attempt from the states, Go pick up mout rushmore and move it to Texas. It is not easy y’all. People don’t understand what is taking so long and it is SO complicated. Just know Kamoga is the boy that God put on our hearts to protect and we will always do that. Unfortunately we truly have no time frame of when we might be able to adopt Kamoga or what that situation will look like. Now, to the Czech Adoption. So this adoption is a little different, we are with a legit adoption agency and will get what is called a referral. We have realized over the last few weeks that the referrals in the Czech Republic are SLOW. meaning they don’t adopt a lot of kids out. So we are looking at another year to 2 years before receiving a referral there. The good thing is, when the time does come most all of that adoption is covered and that money is at the agency and we have no access to it until we get a referral.
The last couple months have been SO hard for me. I have found myself crying almost daily on the way to work while listening to my worship music. I know at SOME point the day will come and I will get to be a mom but we are now OVER 3 years into trying to be parents. Until you feel like being a parent might possibly slowly be being taken off the table, you can’t possibly know the heartache. To want something so bad and have NO control over making it happen is gut wrenching hard.
To have ALL of your friends get pregnant and have the most precious babies, to have BOTH of your best friends tell you they were pregnant in the same week. To be THAT person that people are scared to be excited about their own pregnancy around, afraid of hurting my feelings. To sit in a room you plan on being your childs and pray, or just sit in their on the floor and your husband walks by and asks again, “You just dreaming in there again honey?” and then he yells, “Dinners ready” so you get off the floor, walk out and shut the door because the reality is, your not a mom and there is no child in there that needs you.
People tell me all the time. YOU ARE A MOM, you just dont have your baby yet. But am I? Because the mom’s I see have a big bag of crap they are toting around and child on their hip. I don’t have either of those..
Yesterday was HARD friends. I was feeling SO frustrated about not being a mom and a friend that I love at work found out she was pregnant the other day. This girl has the sweetest, kindest soul and she deserves it more that anything but yesterday we were sitting in the breakroom at work eating lunch and a bunch of us were in there and everyone was talking about her pregnancy, I was texting Tyler and telling him that I was on the brim of tears, that I was feeling so frustrated. I kept my head down and I felt it coming, the tears started welling up in my eyes. They were getting so big that they were about to rolls over and roll down my cheeks. Right as the first one roll down, I kept my head down and quickly got up and walked in the bathroom stall and lost it. Quietly but just lost it to God.
“I DON”T GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!”
My sweet friend Kelly, The pregnant one almost immidiately walked in the bathroom behind be knowing something was wrong and yelled, “Casey, are you okay??”
I didn’t say a word, I couldn’t! I was crying so hard I couldn’t even speak.
To have to walk out of the bathroom was mortifying.
I left work soon after and driving home I was listening to worship music and tears were just rolling down my cheeks and I was talking to one of my besties Nikki (who has also adopted) and I was telling her how hard of a time I was having. That I was struggling the most with feeling as though, through the last 3 years and the absolute heart break of not becoming a mom, I really feel like I have stayed true to God and have not only NOT become resentful or angry with Him but instead I have grown to love him more. I have never had a stronger relationship with Christ then I do now. So I was REALLY struggling with feeling as though God forgot about me, that somehow I felt as though he forgot how much I was hurting and how bad I NEEDED to be a mom. I then told her how horrible I felt even saying anything because of how much others are going through which I know is so much more than I could ever dream of. My measly heartbreak of not being a mom is so small to what some people are going through and I truly do understand that.
She assured me that He hadn’t forgotten and again our time was coming. That my feelings were valid. While getting close to being home and still crying. I asked God to please show himself to me, to please give me a sign he hadn’t forgotten about me. I needed it in a bad way.
I walk in my house with still fresh tears on my face to the opened mail on my desk. A sweet instagram friend, whom I have never met in real life sent me two maps, one of the Czech Republic and one of Africa.
Sometimes when you think He has forgotten you, He shows you.
NOW IS WHERE THINGS GET CRAZY!!!!!
I was on the phone and got a call from a number that wasn’t programed in my phone. On the other line was Kiah, she works at one of the adoption agencies that the adoption consulting agency I work for (Christian Adoption Consultants) uses to help matches our families.
Most everyone know that we are adopting. On the other line Kiah said, “Casey, we have a situation that I wanted to ask you about”
Ok, what’s going on?
She said we have a little baby boy, he was born 4 days ago and he is in the NICU going through a tough time. His mom has already left the hospital and she is wanting to make an adoption plan. She asked us to chose a family, she said she trusts us.
“We think you and your husband would be the right family for this little boy.”
(I have tears fill my eyes even typing this)
She told me A LOT more details, including the price which is unfathomable. $35K
I got off the phone and Tyler and I talked about it. We immiediately said, there is no way. We don’t have that money! ALL of our money is tied up in our other adoption at the agency. We don’t even have access to it.
We prayed about it. We talked about it. We had faith.
We said Yes.
We will take out a loan. We can’t say no to this baby.
The birth mom asked the agency to chose a family but just for formaility reasons Kiah wanted to meet with her first thing in the morning (yesterday) and show her pictures of us to say this is the family we want to adopt this baby.
We received the CALL a little while ago that HE IS OURS!!! WE HAVE A SON!!!!!!!
We have waited for this moment for YEARS!!
Our sweet boy is in the NICU and will be for a few more weeks so we will be having to stay in the state he is in a few weeks! Everyone has always said it takes a VILLAGE to adopt and FRIENDS, we are in desperate NEED of your love and support and HELP!
We WILL have to take out a loan but we need a MIRACLE to help us financially make this happen and more than anything in the next 72 hours!
We will get to meet our son first thing Friday morning (He is far and we are driving).
Would you please PRAY and anything you feel on your heart, would you please consider helping us get over this HUGE financial hurdle. If everyone I knew donated $20 this would be paid for. ANYTHING helps!!
We love you all and honestly could NOT have gotten to this moment without every single one of you and your support!
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE share this blog to get the word out!!1 We need AS MUCH as help as we could possibly get.
We love you.
WE HAVE A SON!
Please send any financial contribution to firstname.lastname@example.org <—–VIA PAYPAL
OR CLICK THIS LINK TO DONATE OR I BELIEVE THERE IS A LINK ON MY BLOG PAGE.