It’s like ripping off a band-aide

Hey friends:::

GOODNESS it has been a serious minute since I have blogged. Things have been crazy busy and crazy amazing since bringing our sweet bundle of joy home. While we were in Florida waiting for him to get our of the NICU things were crazy and at the time I didn’t feel comfortable sharing all of the details yet, I need God to truly mend my somewhat irritated heart a little. I knew I needed time because I HATE speaking out of anger..

So here it is: We are NO LONGER adopting from the Czech Republic.

There..it is out, It is off my chest and I can breathe a little easier.

Now let me explain,

While we were in Florida we needed to contact our home study agency to update our home study to domestic. Our home study agency and our adoption agency are different agencies. We got the call about Foster on Monday night. Wednesday we got the call for he was ours and we were his. One of the best days of my life truly, Wednesday we got in our car and were Florida bound, stayed the night in a hotel room and finished the journey Thursday. Friday was the day we would go to the agency and sign all of the paperwork and get to meet our son. Monday morning is when we called our home study agency to talk about getting the domestic update. By MERE CHANCE our adoption agency called our home study agency later Monday checking to see if everything (back ground checks etc.) were up to date.

Keep in mind we were called by an adoption agency that I know through work whom I have talked to many times and they know our story and heartache waiting to be parents. When they called us about Foster, this is how the conversation went..

“Casey, I have a situation I think you might be interested in”

That was the voicemail I had from the agency.

I called back and she said “There is a 4 days old baby boy in the NICU who needs a family, the Birth mom asked us to choose a family. We think that family should be you and your husband”

SAY WHAT?? God totally threw a wrench in things.

Tyler and I went back and forth. Just like for most people our main concern was the money. Where is the heck were we going to come up with this money! So we took out  a loan for $30,000 and drained our savings account and headed to Florida to meet our son.

Now fast forward. When our agency called our home study agency to just check on things, our homestudy agency told them that we were in Florida with a baby.

Fast forward 5 minutes and we called our agency to explain more and talk to them about pushing out our referral for the Czech Republic until at least after finalization. Even though we were told a 2 year wait so that shouldnt have been an issue.

GUYS! They were HORRIBLE to us. I mean so horrible. Not the agency as a whole but our program director. We felt as though it was taken so personal. We were told had we called them and told them about Foster on FRIDAY instead of MONDAY that we could stay in the program but because we didn’t we were kicked out and could no longer adopt from the Czech republic. We were literally dumb founded and heartbroken.

Fast forward countless emails, conversations and a lot of shadiness about how we needed to send a “voluntary withdraw letter from the program” even though we WERE NOT voluntarily withdrawing…it was a mess.

We were told they were keeping all of our money….I ABOUT DIED! Not only were we dealing with a new adoption, our new son being in the NICU and not being kicked out of the Czech program on top of them keeping all of our money on top of finding out my job was in FACT NOT going to pay my my slip leave for being off work because I did not PHYSICALLY birth this child.

I remember Tyler and I were sitting in a Chinese restaurant and I LOST IT! I mean full on almost panic attack I was crying so hard. I was SO stressed out.

And you know what I was most upset about? That after years of praying for a child to God, all I was focusing on was how the Devil was working hard to overshadow all the amazing things that were happening.

So I never mentioned it to anyone. I didn’t want this horrible news to overshadow the fact that I WAS A MOM! YOU GUYS were donating and raising THOUSANDS of dollars for MY family. You opened your hearts and homes to my family and words wont ever be able to show our appreciation. We for sure thought we were about to be struggling financially.

But we didn’t.

Fast forward a little more. I told our agency I WOULD NOT be sending a voluntary withdraw letter, and I could not just walk away from all of that money that I had to consult and attorney.  That changed things. Turns out they had a change of heart and decided they would transfer the money to the agency we adopted Foster thorough. Which they did. Thank the lord. Our grant transferred as well and YOU AMAZING people stormed the gates of heaven asking for help on our behalf and ALL but $2,000 of our loan is now paid off.

I have been so scared to tell all of you about the Czech adoption mainly because it took so much out of me and I need to heal from that. I worked so hard for a year to just end up not even adopting from there.

I have prayed this out with God and talked it over. Honestly I was SO confused WHY and HOW the Czech Republic ended up not being part of our plan.

Honestly–I still don’t know. But, what I do know is I fully Trust in Gods plan for us.

I know that ALL of my efforts now go to getting Kamoga to us. To getting to Uganda to be with him in the mean time. To raise my baby boy we have home now. To trust in God and not be distracted by the Devil.

My heart broke a little when we things went south with our agency and the Czech Republic but God knows what’s best for each and everyone of us and I firmly believe that God pulled us out of that because he needs to be fully available to fight for Kamoga. To love my son that we have home and be intentional with my husband and fully be involved with God and our relationship.

So that’s what I am going to do. I have been listening to a specific song recently. I put it on replay every day and probably listen to is 20 times a day. These words shake me to the core: I get tears in my eyes every single times I sing them.

Hear our cries Lord
Come shake these walls
Rattle the steeples
Lord we are your people

I believe in life we CRY out to the lord asking for him to fulfill all of these needs of our life but then don’t fully back off and allow God to do what HE KNOWS is best because want to have so much control. So I have had to stop questioning why we are not adopting from the Czech Republic and know that it’s simply because it isn’t part of our journey.

I apologize to ALL of the people that donated thinking that money was going toward a Czech Republic adoption but we are still so thankful for all of your help because that money ended up helping us bring Foster home.

Life is a roller coaster and we are just along for the ride and thankful for every part of it..

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This is my family and I fully trust in God that for now, this is what my family is suppose to look like.

Love, mama CZ

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2 thoughts on “It’s like ripping off a band-aide

  1. God’s kind of the best isn’t he?! I love your story and have loved watching you grow in the Lord in all this. He’s got you 😉

  2. Thank you for sharing your journey. I’m on my conference (teacher) and in tears….but tears of JOY for you and Tyler. You are so correct, God has a plan and you must trust in it. You are a very wise girl to be so young. Keep trusting in him and love your family. You have your priorities just right. Congratulations on your new family!

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