I think the biggest misconception with OUR adoption from people is WHY IN THE WORLD would I want Fosters birth mom to be in the picture?
Won’t that confuse him?
What if she tries to take him back?
She GAVE HIM UP (that is not really okay to say either) so she lost the right..
She clearly doesn’t care..
I understand, maybe you are not in the adoption world, maybe you aren’t adopting, maybe you don’t know anyone who has, is or ever will adopt. You have no reason to know these things.
When Fosters birth mom decided to PLACE this sweet boy for adoption she did it from a place of love, a place of understanding and also what I can only imagine a place of fear of the unknown. She never lost her right to love him or the right to know he is doing okay. She made such a hard decision and I always want her to know that she made the right decision, that Foster is happy and healthy and CHUNNNNNKY!
MORE than for me or for Fosters birth mom, I want a relationship with her because that is what I truly believe in my heart is best for Foster. It takes away the curiosity. When my son gets older I am not naive to the fact that he is going to have questions. I can love him and raise him and be his mom and family, and I always will be however I didn’t give birth to him. He didn’t grow inside me. When we met he was a stranger to me and I was to him. He did know my heart beat or my voice. He didn’t know my movements.
He didn’t know me.
He will only ever know me as his mom but one day he will have questions and ultimately Tyler and I have to face them. I want to be able to tell him that we did everything possible to keep her in our lives. If it was up to me I would go see her and I would make her apart of our lives and we would go on play dates. But, we are far from each other and that is just not a reality of our situation.
Fosters birth mom didn’t lose out on the right to love him. She just allowed me to love him also..
So here we are just two moms, loving one boy. Because she had something with him Ill never have and I get something with him she will never have.
Love, Mama CZ