My how things have changed, how there are truly seasons in life. I used to take long baths and read a book and now I take less long baths and read a little less book while I am praying that Foster doesn’t lose it and I don’t have to jump out of the bath tub and go put a pacifier in his mouth while trekking water throughout my entire house and freezing half to death only to jump back in the bath to possibly do it all over again OR to have the hubby coming in the bathroom with a naked baby to ask if I am done so he can put him in the bath with me to give him a bath….10 minutes after I got in the bath. REALLY? I haven’t even gotten through 2 pages because I have to re-read all of the words I just read because I have so much on my mind I can’t concentrate. <—–not the most relaxing, but I wouldn’t change one single second.
It is so hard to live IN the moment when all you want is for the next moment to come. You want to be a mom (like I have cried about for the last 3 years), you want to be a wife or a husband, you want to buy your first home, maybe you want to start your traveling adventures, You want to be done with college to start you “real” life.
I get it, I really do. I remember people always telling me while we were waiting to be parents for what seemed to be an eternity, “Just live in the moment and try not to think about it” <—-that one was my favorite. mmm hmmm yeah you try not to think about something you want more than anything. People would tell me that I am missing out on so many wonderful memories with my husband by being so consumed in wanting to grow our family and be a mom.
You know what I want to tell you and all of those people to tell you, “Your time will come” or “Try not to think about it” or “don’t miss out on the moments in front of you worry about moments to come”
You can do both. You can have both. You can be so happy in the moment and fully enjoy but still long to add something to it. I’ll be really honest, sometimes I feel like I always have to act like EVERYTHING is perfect because I prayed and cried and begged to be a mom for so long that how DARE I complain about anything now. But you know what If have to act like I always have it together then this might not be the best place to come to read! Because I 100% do not always (or most of the time) have it together.
I am a mom with the most precious son but I LONG for Kamoga also and know that that situation is so hard and tough and unknown.
I am a wife and a mom and I want more. I want to be successful, I want to travel on missions, I want to make a difference outside of my family as well. I want to do scary things because at the end of the day my entire heart knows I am protected by the Lord and my body is guarded by Him also. I am strong in my faith but desparately want more.
The thing is if you aren’t HUNGRY for more, HUNGRY for life, HUNGRY for better…then it won’t come. God wants to see how much fight is in us. He wants to see how bad we want it. MORE than anything he wants to see how bad we need him IN all of it. He wants us to fall on our knees for Him. God wants to be the person you turn to or cry it out to. God wants us to put one foot out of our comfort zone…for Him.
I am in the middle of reading “Every bitter thing is sweet” (amazing) and while I was in my 10 minute bath the other day before I have a nakey baby put in with me who then peed on me…I read this and it gave me chills.
“I had once thought hunger is just for those who don’t yet have a personal relationship with Jesus. But I was growing to know hunger as the undercurrent of the life that comes after saying yes to Him.”
I know this so well. On April 16, 2013 my Facebook status was “I have never been more hungry for God than I am now” but it wasn’t true. I want more every day. It’s like you can’t get enough of His goodness, His comfort, His understanding, His love.
When I was in Uganda, we were driving down the main road in a matatu (van transportation) and I remember looking out the window as it was pouring rain and our time was coming to a close. I had headphones in my ear and I was balling. I mean sobbing. I felt like I was dying inside having to leave Kamoga behind. I told God on that ride that I was ALL in. Forever and always. If he asked me to do it that I was in. No matter how scary it was, no matter how impossible it seemed..I was in.
Because even though bath tubs and baby cries are so amazing and dreamy and really life, it’s oaky to want more.