+Fight Harder+

As I sat in the bath last night I had tears filling my eyes in disbelief of what had just happened.

Finally.

There was a day.

I had time period to count down.

A few weeks ago I was driving to work, listening to my worship music, drinking my coffee and praying to God as I do every single morning. This specific prayer I prayed for movement with Kamoga, I prayed for protection over him and for him to know we were here–that YOU were here (there) with him when we couldn’t be. We were his and he wasn’t forgotten.

Usually I just pray my prayers, listen to my music and continue onto work. This time was different.

I almost scarily felt God say to me, as chills roll across your entire body..without doubt.

“Fight Harder”

NO! Please, NO! I am tired. I am still IN one adoption. I have a new baby. We have a $30,000 loan to finish paying off. I have two jobs lord, I am in school. Can’t this be enough for now? Give me a little more time! We JUST got Foster home.

But I know as well as you do, it doesn’t work like that.

God knows the end result. He knows how this is going to work out and more importantly how HE is going to work it out.

I got to work and text Tyler and said, “I am a little worried” he asked  “why?”

I told him what had happened, what I had felt. I said, ” I don’t know what to do, how do we fight harder?”

He said, “Honey we are doing as much as we can from here”

I went on about my day and tried to let it go.

Fast forward a few weeks…to yesterday. For the first time since we have come home from Uganda a year and half ago I have not once looked at plane tickets. Yesterday I did. Tyler and I both assumed only I would be able to go because there was no way we could afford tickets for both of us. I looked in August and about fell off the couch. Oh no God we cannot.

I literally randomly put in a week in May and the prices were dramatically different as in Tyler and I could BOTH go for the price that just I could go in August. Tyler and I went back and forth. He said let’s sleep on it. All night I prayed. God I don’t want to not be financially smart. Please just give me peace of mind if we are suppose to buy these tickets and if now isn’t the time then it just isn’t and I trust you more.

The next morning I looked at the tickets all day. I compared prices, I looked at different airlines while Tyler was out working.

He came home and said, “Okay, lets look at them.” I showed him two options.

Lets do it. Tickets bought.  WE ARE GOING TO UGANDA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As much as it will kill us to leave Foster for 2 weeks. We left Kamoga for almost 2 years and it is time to go back.

I posted a quote from a book I’m reading yesterday on Facebook and it steadies my heart when I feel shaky . “As with any calling, we dip our toes in the water of yes and hope to God that this is the biggest yes we’ll have to make with such utter, only to find ourselves submerged, years later” -Every bitter thing is sweet.

515 days ago I stepped foot on a plane based on a calling that I had never experience before this one. I went to a foreign land and dabbled in the reality of poverty. I saw things you can’t un-see, I fell in love with Jesus more than I ever had before and I fell in love with a little boy. I made a promise to both.

In 143 days I will have him in my arms again. I will have two short weeks with him but I will love him entirely and Tyler and I will show him that he is not forgotten.

When we left Uganda I whispered in his tiny little brown, unknowing ear, “I love you and I won’t forget you, Ill be back.”

Last time I called and talked with the director of where he is she said, “Kamoga has been asking about you.” I said really?? He knows who we are?

She said, ” He says, has my mama called asking about me?” She said he knows there is someone that always calls that he knows as his mama that checks on him. I about died y’all.

Saying “Yes” sounds like a good story or blog but it’s scary. I have such adoration for God and want to do what he asks. I want to be brave enough to follow through, but sometimes that means booking two tickets to Uganda on your Credit Card and shutting the computer because at the end of the day God has shown up for us every single time before and he will this time also even when you can’t afford it.

In 143 days Tyler and I board a plane to Africa..

in 143 days Kamoga will be in my arms.

The power of Jesus is not lost on me, It consumes me.

Love, CZ

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