+Birthmom Jordan Interview+

I love meeting new people and truly the adoption world opens up so many doors to meeting new people! I met Jordan through social media and she has such a beautiful heart! Jordan is a birth mother and I asked her if she would mind doing an interview for me! A lot of times birth mothers can be misunderstood and how truly good their intentions are! They make these HUGE, COURAGEOUS decisions and sometimes don’t get the support they truly deserve. So, I thought it might be really great to ask Jordan, being a birth mother the questions that a lot of people are wondering and wanting to ask.

Here is my interview with Jordan::

1. Tell us a little about your story.

– I was in college when I found out I was pregnant. My sons father and I had only been together for a very short amount of time, we hardly even knew each other. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I couldn’t think of any other option aside from adoption. I knew that we couldn’t parent this child. Especially with the fact that we didn’t have any money of our own, our school ran 24 hours a day, and the fact that we were just not ready. We weren’t ready emotionally, mentally, or physically….and we definitely weren’t mature enough to raise a child yet. Also, I’m all about pro choice, but personally I could just never have an abortion. So that left me with adoption. I knew I couldn’t raise the baby, but that didn’t mean I didn’t love him/her from the moment I knew about ’em. But just because I loved that baby, didn’t mean I couldn’t do what was right for them. Shortly after finding out I was pregnant, I started looking for agencies. I called a few of them and asked them about what the potential adoptive parents had to go through to be published on their website or in their “catalog”. (I HATE using that word but Im spacing and can’t think of a better one for it at the moment). Anyways..it actually broke my heart to see all of these couples just waiting…longing for a child. I wanted to have babies and place them with everyone! But obviously that’s not realistic.

While searching through all of these profiles, one couple stood out the most. I’m still, to this day, not sure what drew me to them so strongly…but I’m so glad it did. Without them, I don’t know how well this adoption process would have gone. I wasn’t FOR SURE until I called and first spoke with the potential mother. Everything while talking to her just came naturally. She said the things I felt in my heart without me needing to voice them. She knew what I needed. They were away from each other at the time so we had to wait for the potential father to call us and talk to us as well. But after talking with the mother…I knew. I knew they were the ones.
I started talking with them when I was 6 weeks pregnant, and haven’t stopped. We created a relationship, and an amazingly loving bond with each other. Because of them, our son was brought into the world with double the love, double the family, and double the blessings. He was born on December 28th, 2012 and placed from one set of loving arms into another on Decmeber 30th, 2012. Since then, we have had about 2 visits with them a year and we have constant contact. When I say “constant” I don’t mean every day. Come on..they’re raising a 2 and a half year old, what do you expect? But we have pretty regular contact. They’ve been the most amazing parents to that little boy, and I can’t what to see what he grows up to be like.

2. How old were you?

– I was 19 when I found out I was pregnant, and when I placed. I turned 20 just a few days after placement. 

3. What were the deciding factors to make an adoption plan?

– I knew I needed to make an adoption plan after realizing there weren’t many other options for me personally.

4. What was your biggest fear?

– My biggest fear before placement was my son growing up and not know how much I absolutely love him. I was scared he was going to grow up not knowing why I placed him and thinking I did it for selfish reasons instead of love.

My biggest fear after placement I guess really isn’t a fear, it’s more of a sadness of not knowing exactly when I’m going to see them again.
5. How did you choose an adoptive family?

– I guess I kinda answered some of these questions when I was explaining my story. Oopsie. But after looking through many, many profiles…theirs just stood out. And after speaking to them on the phone, I just knew. I can’t tell you how I chose them because I don’t even know myself.

6. Did you feel in control of the decision making for your baby?

– I most definitely felt in control while making the decision to place my child. I also felt so much in control that I knew anytime I wanted to change my mind before the adoption occurred, that it was my right to do so. I was even encouraged to keep my mind and options open in case I realized adoption is not what I wanted to do. Contrary to popular belief…no, not all women are “tricked” or “coerced” into placing their baby. Most of us place our children because we love them so much and we know that we can give them the life they deserve, or that we are alone and want a child to have two parents instead of one. Unfortunately children can’t survive solely on love.

7. What got you through the hard days?

– When I have hard days, I usually just look at all of the pictures I have of him or I send his mom a message simply to say hello. Because believe it or not, she gets it. As I imagine more adoptive mothers do. What also gets me through the days is remembering why I made my decision and knowing that he has everything I could’ve ever wanted him to have. Yeah, there are hard days…But I cope with all of them the same…and sometimes I add a “little” junk food.

8. Have you ever regretted your decision?

– There has absolutely never been a time that I have regret placing him for adoption. Of course there were times that I wished it didn’t come to that, but then I remember what his life is like right now…then I look at my life right now and realize that he is exactly where he was meant to be.

9. What is something you would want adoptive families to know? 

– I want all adoptive parents to know that there is no reason to fear birth mothers. I totally understand the insecurities and possessiveness a mother naturally has…but I promise you, we chose YOU to raise our babies for a reason. We trust you, and we love you. I also want adoptive mothers to know, that I appreciate them every day…and not just my sons adoptive mothers. I am thankful for all adoptive mothers, for stepping up and being a mother when we cannot for whatever reason.

10. What is something you would want expectant moms looking to make an adoption plan to know?
– I would love for expectant mothers to know that adoption is such a beautiful thing. A lot of the negativity about adoption is from people placed a long time ago when adoption wasn’t what it is today. It has changed so much. I don’t want you to let those horror stories and negativity get to you. Obviously there are problems with adoption that we still deal with today, but it is was less likely and not near as bad as what these older adoptees/birth mothers/adoptive mothers tell you. Listen to your heart, and your heart alone. If you believe adoption is what’s best for your baby..do it! Don’t let anyone scare you from it. But also, please remember that if you realize when the baby is here (or even before that) that you want to parent instead, you have absolutely every right to. There are plenty of organizations that will you with things you need to raise your child. Don’t feel like you’re trapped. Nothing is set in stone until the papers are signed after birth.
11. What would you want to tell the adoptive families that you did not choose?

– It is not you, I PROMISE that it is not you. It is not anything you’ve done. Sometimes, things just don’t feel right..and there’s nothing that can be done about that. You will eventually find the right match, and it’ll make all the heartache worth it. Everything will come so naturally and you all will know it is right. I promise. 

12. Do you have an open adoption?

– I have a very open adoption. 

13. If so what kind of contact and does it work well for everyone involved?
– Our contact is awesome! I hear from his parents a few times a week. We text often and she send pictures whenever she can actually get one of him. When he was first born it was almost every day if not actually every day. His mother was very understanding about my emotional wants and needs to have updates, especially being a new mother herself. I completely understand and don’t expect it to be an every day thing now because he’s two and a half and they both work..but we have awesome contact. I think it works well for everyone involved. Our contact includes my parents, my sons biological fathers parents, my grandparents and even my sons grandparents! We all love each other so much.
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The last thing I want everyone to know is no two adoptions are the same. Ever. Just because something happened in one adoption, doesn’t mean it’s going to happen in yours. And that goes to everyone in the adoption triad. Also, I want everyone to know that they shouldn’t let the negative views from people in the adoption triad from years and years ago get to you. Adoption has changed in so many ways just in the last few year alone. You will always have people fighting against you no matter what part of the triad you’re from. Do not let them bother you! Take their stories with a grain of salt and dismiss their negativity.
Adoption is about love for that child, that’s it.
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