I love meeting new people and truly the adoption world opens up so many doors to meeting new people! I met Jordan through social media and she has such a beautiful heart! Jordan is a birth mother and I asked her if she would mind doing an interview for me! A lot of times birth mothers can be misunderstood and how truly good their intentions are! They make these HUGE, COURAGEOUS decisions and sometimes don’t get the support they truly deserve. So, I thought it might be really great to ask Jordan, being a birth mother the questions that a lot of people are wondering and wanting to ask.
Here is my interview with Jordan::
1. Tell us a little about your story.
– I was in college when I found out I was pregnant. My sons father and I had only been together for a very short amount of time, we hardly even knew each other. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I couldn’t think of any other option aside from adoption. I knew that we couldn’t parent this child. Especially with the fact that we didn’t have any money of our own, our school ran 24 hours a day, and the fact that we were just not ready. We weren’t ready emotionally, mentally, or physically….and we definitely weren’t mature enough to raise a child yet. Also, I’m all about pro choice, but personally I could just never have an abortion. So that left me with adoption. I knew I couldn’t raise the baby, but that didn’t mean I didn’t love him/her from the moment I knew about ’em. But just because I loved that baby, didn’t mean I couldn’t do what was right for them. Shortly after finding out I was pregnant, I started looking for agencies. I called a few of them and asked them about what the potential adoptive parents had to go through to be published on their website or in their “catalog”. (I HATE using that word but Im spacing and can’t think of a better one for it at the moment). Anyways..it actually broke my heart to see all of these couples just waiting…longing for a child. I wanted to have babies and place them with everyone! But obviously that’s not realistic.
2. How old were you?
– I was 19 when I found out I was pregnant, and when I placed. I turned 20 just a few days after placement.
3. What were the deciding factors to make an adoption plan?
– I knew I needed to make an adoption plan after realizing there weren’t many other options for me personally.
4. What was your biggest fear?
– My biggest fear before placement was my son growing up and not know how much I absolutely love him. I was scared he was going to grow up not knowing why I placed him and thinking I did it for selfish reasons instead of love.
5. How did you choose an adoptive family?
– I guess I kinda answered some of these questions when I was explaining my story. Oopsie. But after looking through many, many profiles…theirs just stood out. And after speaking to them on the phone, I just knew. I can’t tell you how I chose them because I don’t even know myself.
6. Did you feel in control of the decision making for your baby?
– I most definitely felt in control while making the decision to place my child. I also felt so much in control that I knew anytime I wanted to change my mind before the adoption occurred, that it was my right to do so. I was even encouraged to keep my mind and options open in case I realized adoption is not what I wanted to do. Contrary to popular belief…no, not all women are “tricked” or “coerced” into placing their baby. Most of us place our children because we love them so much and we know that we can give them the life they deserve, or that we are alone and want a child to have two parents instead of one. Unfortunately children can’t survive solely on love.
7. What got you through the hard days?
– When I have hard days, I usually just look at all of the pictures I have of him or I send his mom a message simply to say hello. Because believe it or not, she gets it. As I imagine more adoptive mothers do. What also gets me through the days is remembering why I made my decision and knowing that he has everything I could’ve ever wanted him to have. Yeah, there are hard days…But I cope with all of them the same…and sometimes I add a “little” junk food.
8. Have you ever regretted your decision?
– There has absolutely never been a time that I have regret placing him for adoption. Of course there were times that I wished it didn’t come to that, but then I remember what his life is like right now…then I look at my life right now and realize that he is exactly where he was meant to be.
9. What is something you would want adoptive families to know?
– I want all adoptive parents to know that there is no reason to fear birth mothers. I totally understand the insecurities and possessiveness a mother naturally has…but I promise you, we chose YOU to raise our babies for a reason. We trust you, and we love you. I also want adoptive mothers to know, that I appreciate them every day…and not just my sons adoptive mothers. I am thankful for all adoptive mothers, for stepping up and being a mother when we cannot for whatever reason.
10. What is something you would want expectant moms looking to make an adoption plan to know?
11. What would you want to tell the adoptive families that you did not choose?
– It is not you, I PROMISE that it is not you. It is not anything you’ve done. Sometimes, things just don’t feel right..and there’s nothing that can be done about that. You will eventually find the right match, and it’ll make all the heartache worth it. Everything will come so naturally and you all will know it is right. I promise.
12. Do you have an open adoption?
– I have a very open adoption.
13. If so what kind of contact and does it work well for everyone involved?