I don’t know if everyone knows this but before I worked in the adoption field I actually worked in the medical field in the surgery department specifically. I use to assist the surgeons during surgery and it was all really cool but my whole heart is adoption and sharing the gospel.
One thing that the hospital I worked at always tried to teach us when it came to patient communication is to “Talk up” the next person they were about to see. As you probably know when you go to a hospital for surgery or blood work or anything you get a test done and then sent to the next window or person. The hospital use to always tell us to “Talk up” the person that was coming in behind us or the person the patient is about to see. So when a patient would leave surgery and head to the recovery room we would tried to always reassure the patient that the person that was about to take care of them was really wonderful and they would be well taken care of where they were going.
The concept is SO simple but SO crucial.
A lot of times I see posts, articles and pictures that talk about the struggles of adoption. I am here to tell you that there is struggle in adoption. It is a messy beautiful scene that plays out with real emotion and real people.
People ARE going to say hurtful things to your family that is built a little differently than others. Doctors offices are going to ask questions you don’t have the answers to and probably call you “adoptive mom” instead of just “mom”. When someone refers to the child’s birth mom they are most likely going to say “Well with Fosters mom…” instead of “Well with Fosters birth mom..”. People are going to ask you why you didn’t want your “OWN” kids and aren’t you worried the child’s mother will come back and try to take them? They are going to say things like, “I could never imagine GIVING UP my baby..”
They are going to use the wrong terminology and say things that might be hurtful or mean.
I had one of my CAC families experience devastation this last week when they found out their sons (3 months old) birth mom had passed away and in a tragic way. They are heartbroken for their son to never truly know her and she told a few close friends and family and the comments she received crushed her even more. “Aren’t you glad she’s out of the picture?”
She emailed me asking for prayers and telling me how upset she was over the comments.
The thing to remember when you hear all of the comments and remarks that can be hurtful is that your response is just as important as their remarks. It is a good chance they are uneducated about adoption and the subject at hand. It is a good chance they are not intentionally trying to be disrespectful or hurtful. It took me a little time to learn this and I think it can be a huge moment; if instead of lashing out because the comments, we use it as an opportunity and excited at the chance to educate when the time is right.
In a time where it would be easy to be defensive of our families, our adoption built families I challenge you and ME to show Grace and Mercy and think before we make that post, send that text, have that conversation or talk badly of someone that said something hurtful or rude merely out of lack of knowledge.
Because I don’t know about you but this sweet boy is the joy and best adventure of our lives and the more I can TALK UP adoption, the better. I want to celebrate adoption, I want to celebrate diversity and I want to give all the education possible to people who are curious and who better to have the chance to do this than an adoptive family.
So with a lot of love and finding Grace where ever possible,
To learn more about adoption please email me at : Casey@christianadoptionconsultants.com