I was having lunch with a friend the other day after our weekly bible study. On Thursday’s Foster and her oldest go to daycare so we only have her little one and we get to have REAL conversation without being over taken with messes, throw downs, near misses, laps full of food and food constantly being stolen off my plate. It is like am mini vacation getting friend, mama time.
She is pregnant with her 3rd and we are paper pregnant with our second so we always have a lot to talk about. We were talking about how large we wanted or dreamt of growing out families and she mentioned that she has recently started thinking about possibly adopting in a few years because Tyler and I have really inspired her. Which by the way is so uplifting to hear, we never decided to adopt to get attention or inspire others but God knew how he wanted us to Glorify Him and I feel so blessed to hear things like that.
She then mentioned how she had briefly talked to her husband about it and he had a few fears about possibly not loving an adopted child the same he would his 3 bio children.
The first thing I told her.
“I hear this ALL THE TIME, this is a normal fear to have.”
If you know about my family then you know I don’t have any biological children, only adopted so I don’t have a personal experience but I know a few friends that do and this is what they had to say…
” I use to be adamant that I love my kids all the exact same. It’s not true for me. It’s a different love. Neither is more or less.”
“It’s not more, it is different. I have friends who have all biological kids. One with Special needs and the other without. It is a different love when you are kissing the broken pieces of a child and have the weight of those broken pieces in your heart. Yes, I was concerned the love would be more. Yet, I now understand the love is differeny. I don’t feel the love is the exact same. It is deep, it is different and it is beautiful”
“I always thought people were lying when they said they loved their adopted kids as much as their bio kids. Then I adopted and realized what a fool I had been. I mean I cannot imagine that I once thoughts that was even possible. Also when you adopt from foster care the love can be the fiercest most soul crushing love.”
“..There is something special about birthing a baby yourself, but its not better, just different. Once we had created an attachment bond with each of our kids they really felt like our own, adopted or bio.”
” The relationship that I have with Shamilah, the first kiddo adopted, will always be different that the relationship with Judah, our first biological child. Shamilah comes from a past of brokenness and she that knows that, obviously, Im not her biological mom. And so her love for me is also different than Judah’s love for me. I think its a beautiful dynamic to have in the home.. I think it enriches the lives of all our kids to know they came from different places.”
@hannaliv also @okoarefuge
Love doesn’t divide, it multiplies and we love these babies because we are their parents, protectors and they were entrusted my God to be cared for by us. It’s okay for the fear to be there that you might possibly not love an adopted child as much but then let the fear go because the Lord is about to BLOW YOUR MIND when you give in to the fear.
Here are two other adoptive mamas that I love and am so lucky to have life to walk through life with.
@heartgrownbabylove AKA Nikki and her beautiful family of 6 who adopted Ria domestically 🙂
If you would like more information on Adoption please email me at Casey@christianadoptionconsultants.com
With Lots of love,