I am 23 days away from getting to stand next to another woman’s side as she gives birth to a baby boy whom she is allowing me to be the mama of..
I am an advocate for open adoption and I love my currents son’s birth mom and soon to be son’s expectant mom from Texas to the moon. I have talked to “P” our son’s expectant mom every single day since the day we met a few weeks ago. I know her as only one thing..
If someone even slightly gives me the opportunity to bring up adoption I will. My poor husband.. We will be at the grocery store and someone will talk about how Foster has the prettiest skin and there’s my IN. Tyler knows that we will be here for a minute while I tell our life story and how God totally had a divine plan that wasn’t my plan but gosh it was so much better. I go on to tell them about Fosters beautiful birth mom that leads me into talking about “P” and how unbelievably amazing she is-
How I dream of a family unit that involves us all. Our story together doesn’t end at the hospital when she signs those papers in fact in never ends and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I dream of his birth family coming to visit us in Texas and skyping on a regular basis so our baby boy can talk with his brother and birth mom in Florida.
I was at bible study this week talking about “P” and how our relationship has started to grow into something amazing and the ladies looked at me and said, “Casey, that is amazing that you are so open. Most women would be threatened” and I said “threatened about what?”
I have never once looked at this situation and thought, “Yeah I am the one doing the really great thing here.” (that actually kind of makes me giggle) Loving a family that has deemed us worth of raising their child is not something amazing, how could I not love her, love them all? I have truly never thought about the fact that people might think I feel threatened to have our kids birth moms in our lives.
At the end of the day, that word “kids” wouldn’t be possible without these two women so how could I ever think of NOT having them around?
But for the Adoptive mom that might be worried about having a birth mom involved or possibly even threatened. Don’t feel ashamed, you are just scared. Heck IM scared.
But know that for us adoptive families…FAMILY means something different, it’s a new dynamic, it’s beautiful, it’s also usually messy but God finds beauty in the messy and I will dabble in the messy every day if it glorifies Him and shows even an ounce of the kind of love that he extends to me daily.
My boys have more people to love them and what more could I ask for? I challenge you to push through the fear, go into the uncomfortable and dance all over unconventional because I can only imagine that in Heaven this is what makes our Father beam with pride over his children. Adoption is hard on everyone, it’s hard on the birth family and the adoptive family that is falling in love with a child that isn’t yet theirs, falling in love with a birth mom that I pray doesn’t pull away, a birth mom scared to death to sign those papers.
Having an open adoption takes away the curiosity for your child as they grow and I know because of circumstances it might not be the right fit for everyone but if there is even a chance that it might be for you and it is fear holding you back know that it’s normal and it’s okay to be scared. But push through..
A few of my favorite lines/scripture from Katie Davis:
“I have learned that I will not change the world, Jesus will do that. I can, however change the world for one person.”
“And if one person sees the love of Christ in me, it is worth every minute. In fact, it is worth spending my life for.”
“And I look at the life of my Savior, who stopped for one”
Matthew 10:28 tells us not to fear things that can destroy the body but things that can destroy the soul
“Jesus called his followers to be a lot of things, but I have yet to find where he wanted us to be safe”
-Katie Davis (Gosh I love her)
Open Adoption can be really beautiful if we give it the time and energy that it deserves.
“All these pieces
Broken and shattered
In mercy gathered
Mended and whole”
-Broken Vessels, Hillsong United