We all need a shelter, a fortress and someone to call

First of all, I chose this song because you are a difference maker.

If you are new here let me introduce myself a bit. I am a mama of a 15 month old and a 43 day old. Both of my babes are adopted and can I be real here? Im am tired, my hair needs to get out of this messy bun and I need to do the laundry.

Im not though, I’m blogging.

Leading up to becoming a mom I dealt with infertility and a mess of emotions and then Foster came home (my 15 month old). I didn’t DARE say how tired I was, how I felt like I was failing, didn’t know how to calm him some days and didn’t seem to have that mama touch.

It took until he was 4 months old until I FINALLY felt like his mom and not like a babysitter. I have never said that out loud before to a crowd like this. (you are the crowd) How horrible I felt to BEG to be a mom for years and then not bond with my son for 4 MONTHS!!!

Not only that, some days I wanted a break. At the time we didn’t have any family near by and we had no one that could step in for an hour or so. Through that entire 15 months anytime I told someone how tired I was, that I had a long night, I was exhausted or anything else NORMAL I always followed it up with “But please know I am so grateful for him”

I have found myself starting to do that same thing with Murphy, we have a 6 week old and a 15month old and it is NOT always easy and I always feel so guilty saying that. Tonight one of my sweet friends had to remind me to stop being so hard on myself that this a time where we pray for grace and keep trucking.

So I am here to tell you from one adoptive mama to another or ANY mom for that matter. It is OKAY to be tired and you know what else? We DON’T have to follow it up with “but I  really am so grateful to be his/her mama”

of course we are.

We can still love our children and tell people..

I. AM. EXHAUSTED.

So to the mama that is exhausted, needs a shower, has piles of laundry and dirty dishes that need to be done. To the mama that doesn’t feel pretty right now because you smell like puke. Oh and you too, YOU the one that took so long to be a mama so how dare you say speak anything but love and beauty over your children.

Hear me now.

You are beautiful even through the greasy messy bun.
You are amazing even behind the laundry and dishes.
You are allowed to say its hard even if it took you years to get here.

and most of all (before you say it) before you preface that beautiful book of words you are about to speak, I know you are grateful.

Don’t feel bad for being tired, you are raising tiny humans and it’s a big job.

From one mama to another,
Casey

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6 thoughts on “We all need a shelter, a fortress and someone to call

  1. I just found your blog and I am blown away. I too, am an adoptive mom and had most all of these same experiences. I was SO tired and needed a break also, but wouldn’t allow myself because I had wanted to be a mama for so long. I finally realized that all moms are just that…moms (no matter how you became one). Thanks for writing this. For so long, I thought maybe I was just ungrateful (although I knew in my heart I wasn’t)…reading this has helped me to see that others in a very similar situation have felt the same things. P.S. My adorable babe is 18 months old now and keeps me on my toes daily. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in this world (although I still get tired and need a break sometimes). =)

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