I am in such a special unique position to get to see and be a part of the “Behind the Scenes” to all of the blog posts, Facebook updates and Instagram snippets you see from families adopting.
I am an adoption consultant with CAC and walk families through adoption every single day of the week. For the families that are currently presenting it becomes something so much more personal and intimate.
There is something I want to share that I get to see that you don’t get to see. I want you to know what it’s like to be vulnerable, brave and full of Faith. When you see a family in the process of adopting, I want you to know what they go through and how much they need your support.
For that waiting mama who excitedly shares they are presenting to an expectant mom, you see something so exciting happening and IT IS so exciting, but there is more going on behind that post. That mama most likely isn’t eating because of being so anxious, nervous and excited at the thought of being chosen and the sheer terror of hearing a “no”. She is keeping a BRAVE face to you, but I know her heart. I know her fears of being so vulnerable and quite literally having her future based on a book that a mama somewhere else in the world is flipping through and pouring over. No matter how hard she is trying to guard herself, she has let herself go THERE. She has gone to the place where she is already dreaming of hearing a “YES”, she is dreaming of what it will be like to have a daughter or a son. She is already thinking about what is the first thing she will say to this beautiful expectant mom. The waiting mama you see, she is looking in her backseat when she is driving and smiling at the thought of seeing a backwards facing carseat filled with a new baby. She has already planned how she will ANNOUNCE the big news holding up a cute boy or girl outfit. She can already feel that baby in here arms. She is already mourning for the mom who is making the adoption plan.
Then the split in the road happens and we hear the answer.
When it is “YOU WERE CHOSEN” no matter how much my kids are driving me crazy, if I am at the grocery store, done working for the day or in the middle of making dinner.
I stop what Im doing and I CELEBRATE with them because guys when you hear those words it is a small planet lifted off your shoulders. I cannot even count how many times I have been out with my family and I just stop and get on my phone and Tyler just knows. “Was somebody matched? Did someone hear a “no”?”
Then there is the other side, if one family heard a “yes” then almost always another family heard a “no”.
All of those things the waiting mama was dreaming of while waiting to hear back are shattered. You feel so silly for letting yourself go there. Now you look in the backseat and the future is unknown and almost always (at least for me) I would just sob while listening to worship music. You go in “the room” now having no idea when a baby will be in there. You feel sad, hurt and like something is wrong with you. The husband usually steps in because his wife is hurting and well he is her person. Tyler (my husband) is so sweet and always listens to me talk about how sad I am for my family. It has been 2 years since we brought our first baby boy home and 9 months since we brought our second, but I remember the pain like it was yesterday. It is gut wrenching hard.
The only way I know how to describe it is you feel forgotten, looked over and left out.
Now for the good news.
For the mama that is presenting to expectant moms, let yourself go THERE…every. single. time. Guard your heart, but be excited because God is doing this thing, He is growing your family and building your faith in Him. Twirl around your living room with that fake baby in your arms and sit on the floor of the nursery because even if the crib is empty now, it won’t always be.
We serve a God who doesn’t forget, overlook or leave anyone out.
You are enough, you are IN THIS, you are not alone and hang on tight because you ARE going to be a mama either for the first time or again.
I can’t wait to share more of this new series “Behind the scenes” If you would like to learn more about domestic adoption or working with me and Christian Adoption Consultants I would love to Chat. Casey@christianadoptionconsultants.com
Our last photo shoot as a family of three. Foster was 12 months and we were taking pics for our book to adopt AGAIN. We were matched a few weeks later and Murphy was born 12 weeks after this photo shoot.