Can I just real, this week was hard.
It was hard for my families, it was hard for me. Luckily I have an amazing husband who totally gets it. He gets my need to have to be there no matter the timing, when something happens with one of my Christian Adoption Consultant families.
I want you to know that as a consultant we take failed adoptions to the heart, we take them hard, we weep when you weep, and just go ahead and text me in the night when you need to talk because I won’t be getting any sleep either.
Last weekend was Foster’s 2nd birthday party. I literally cannot even wrap my head around that. Because THIS KID was just being born..
I don’t even know how that happened, but it did and he turned 2 on Saturday so we decided to throw the boys party together because they are just a few weeks apart and honestly I didn’t want to throw two parties. So there, I said it.
but, while they sat in there a lot of my time was spent sitting in my closet listening to one of my mamas sobbing on the other line. She was crying her eyes out and all I wanted to do was be with her. My husband was great and took over like a champ, he knew I needed to spend time on the phone helping this family get through a failed adoption that was happening right before them.
Earlier before the party is when I got the first call where my CAC mama through tears, told me she didn’t think it was going to happen which was out of NOWHERE because things had been going so good at the hospital. We talked longer and then I had to go pick up balloons. Its a horribly hard thing to just turn that off.
On my drive home (about 25 minutes) from grabbing the balloons I had the song “Prince of Peace” on repeat. I listened to every word so clearly and prayed repeatedly. And you know what, I didn’t even pray that mom would place if I am being really honest. Who am I to even slightly put an ultimatum in front of God. I prayed for the mom that just gave birth and that she would have peace, I prayed for my family and that they would have peace with whatever happen. I prayed and asked God that if this wasn’t their baby to be near to them to catch them, because this would crumbled them. This won’t keep them from the baby God has for them and they will find some strength to move on. I told my CAC mama that I would be holding on to hope for them, even if they couldn’t right now.
I cried the whole way home.
I talked to this sweet mama a few more times that day and each time I could physically hear and feel her heartbreak. The really beautiful part was even though she was still broken and sad she still empowered that mama to parent when they talked face to face. They left that hospital with no baby. The went to the stores and returned the carseat, booked a flight and flew home empty handed.
So much of our job as consultants is so fun and we get a front row seat to God’s beautiful stories, but we also get a front row seat to the heart break in adoption. Even if the mom does place, hear me now when I say there is HEARTBREAK in every adoption.
Someone is leaving that hospital with a broken heart and empty arms. The only way we are loving and serving our adopted children well is to never forget that. I got no sleep, on the go and stressed out. I ended up with an upper respiratory infection. It was really important for me to write this before I got too far removed the more time that went on.
As adoption consultants we aren’t just hear for HAPPY, we are hear for the HEARTBREAK too.
Worship music is my love language and when I write (or anytime)I always listen to worship music.
My song choice today:
“Prince of Peace” -Hillsong
“Let it Happen” – Tame Impala
“Still you know me” – Bethel
Casey@christianadoptionconsultants.com if you would like more information on Christian Adoption Consultants and working together on your adoption.