OH friends….

The song I had on repeat while both of my babies were in the NICU..I have it playing now..

We serve the best Father, who writes the most beautiful stories even when we didn’t think it couldn’t get any better..and then it did.

Tyler and I have struggled with infertility for over 5 years and we came to fully accept it when the Lord blessed us with THE best two sons we could have ever dreamed for. He healed my broken heart and showed me His faithfulness. But, through both of our adoptions and the 14 months since adopting Murphy we have still always tried to get pregnant.

As a mother I am 110% fulfilled by my children, but if Im being honest as a woman I wasn’t. I WANTED to feel pregnancy, I wanted to feel a baby grow inside my belly like so many women get to experience…and so many women don’t. But about a year ago I whole heartedly accepted the fact that pregnancy most likely wasn’t in the cards for us and that was okay. We could and would happily always adopt again!

Something else I should mention, for the last 5 years I always felt like we were to hold off on trying with fertility meds. Not because there is anything wrong with them, because what a blessing they are. But, more so just because it didn’t feel right for us. For me I needed this to be on God’s terms. I needed Him to make that decision, maybe I just wanted it to be Him.

Well after 5 years Tyler and I finally had the conversation about trying with fertility meds. We had this conversation on a Saturday drive home from my in-laws. On Sunday we went to church and I BEGGED God for a sign to show me this is where He wanted us to be over adopting again. And clear as day with the sermon.. He made it clear. Thta day I made a promise with God (how bold of me right?) That if He would give me this desire of pregnancy, that I would spend my whole life giving my children back to Him..and I meant it.

I cried.

Within days I was in my OBGYN’s office to tell her we wanted to try with clomid. She was optimistic! We ran all the tests to make sure it wasn’t something more serious, everything was perfect! She called in the prescription.

Probably since highschool I have longed to feel pregnancy. Every mirror I walk by I would stick my belly out just to see what it would look like to be pregnant. I spent many years on bathroom floors with tears and if Im honest it hurts so bad. To find the joy for your closest friends and family when they announce their pregnancy. To hug them and celebrate them…and then to put on your big sunglasses and walk to  your car with tears flowing down your face at a fast pace.

In December I drove through the Walgreens pharmacy drive thru and picked up that prescription. To the Pharmacy tech this was just another bag they were handing through the window.

For me it was hope and so I cried again.

I would take that clomid the first week of January and that month would be our first month trying with fertility medication. I was so excited and hopeful for the first time in a LONG time.

The first week of January came, YAY!!!! I was one day late which was NOTHING..but I took a test like I had a billion times before.

For the first time in 5 years I saw those two beautiful lines telling me I was pregnant….3 days before starting the fertility medication.

He is a redemptive God. He knew the desires of my heart, He knew I wanted this to be Him. So he gave that to me..

I cried for hours and hours and hours.

I never even took the medication. NONE OF IT.

So it is my BIGGEST honor to tell you that because we serve an amazing God

WE ARE PREGNANT!!!!!!!! We have already gotten to see this sweet baby and hear his/her heartbeat. So much Joy…

Nothing is hidden from your sight
Wherever I go, you find me
You know every detail of my life
You are God and you don’t miss a thing. 

Coming in September… Baby Zaruba #3

 

XO,
Casey